He took so much...

A shell
A black face
No speaking, no looking
No blinking
Warm blood
Flowing through
Ice cold body
No emotion
Beating heart
Sleeping, still breaking
Wondering how long
Until the breathing stops

Ha ha ha ha

Once upon a time?... a night?.... a girl?
Pick one
Because that's the way all fairy tales begin
And age old formula
That one gives a fuck about anymore
Kind of like this story
When everyone stops listening
As soon as she begins to cry
Weeping for what has been lost
Is more than useless
But this fairy tale
Has no happily ever after
So bleed instead
Perhaps a long, slow
Drug and alcohol induced hamartia
So we can scribble out the damned ending
On the final page
Because all the others
Were torn out and burned anyways

The End

This. Is. War.

I wonder what it would look like
If I did kill him
Somehow
What would I tell you?
Or how?
And what would the expression on my face be?
What shape would I be in?
Would I feel justified
Or find myself destroyed?
Complacent? Apathetic?
Or thrilled and elated?
Because last week
I gave my box cutter away
My eyes looking at the ground
Even as he begged me to look at him
And it's a moment I cherish
And wouldn't ever trade
But I wish I had my box cutter again
Rusty and bloodstained
Because he keeps phoning me
Taunting me
And I'm tempted to take him up on his offer
Meet him, armed with more than my fury
And make goddamned sure
He never hurts anyone
EVER
AGAIN

At a Loss

So new
This persona I've embodied
But how do I write her?
Proving to the world
You
Most of all,
Myself
That I've left the cracked and broken shield
In the dust
And have taken up the sword
As well as an angry heart
What words can I employ
Because it is only regretful now
To look back and think
I wish I'd killed the goddamned bastard

Wednesday 23 September

Trying to write

But

Memories of his dick

Of the past week

Thrusting, hurting

STABBING

Are

When I saw

My hair pulled

My body clawed at

My will ignored

My dignity stolen

More love than I've

Ever known

Myself feeling safer than I've

Ever been

My body adored

My heart cherished

Bruised, sobbing, screaming

No, No, NO NO NO!!!

Vunerability at its worst

Stifling

Vulnerability at its best

And I can't forget