Some Things Are Better Left... Unsaid...

You'll never understand
Because it's fucked
And I'll never understand
Because I am fucked
Unhealthy? HAH!
Who? Us? Or me?
But not always
No
Because once there were birthday cakes
With candles lit and ice cream on the side
And smiles
Once there were smiles and laughter
Until there was blood
Only blood
And love became resentment
And there is no place for forgiveness
And maybe this isn't my fault
Maybe its hard
Because you make it so
Maybe the onus ought to
Just once be on you
To not act like
My telling you all this
Is some sort of personal attack
And it's complicated
Like the way I'll never ever see him again
But feel guilty as fuck because I never called
Because you don't get it
And I can't make you understand
Because it's fucked
And I'm fucked
And why are you still here?
... I forgot to ask...

Useless Late Night Ramblings. I'm tired tonight.

The dark... always comes back
After the burning light of the sun
Casting shadows
Casting light on the worst parts of you
The night will come soon
Shh... Just hold on
And so here is night
Drenched in the silence
And you're not thinking
Not thinking about anything
But your head still hurts
And that's all you know
And sometimes.. nights like these
You realize
You're in unfamiliar territory
Somewhere you never thought you'd be
Navigating without a map or a compass
Scared
Terrified
Nothing feels real
Nothing feels normal
And then you realize
You miss it
Those times when you knew
What to do with the night
What to do with yourself
When the only communicating you needed to do
Was moderated by the blade
That was far more articulate
Than you ever can be
Just another useless failing
And exhaustion sets in
No longer can you stay up all night
And when you awake
Day will come
And the new old routine
Starts all over again
Its hard to speak
When after all the encouragement
They shut you up
Words like a hammer
Smashing your heart
To smithereens