Do you still sleep at night?

It is a night
Just like last
And the one before that
And the one before that
And I'm gasping from the pain
And the filth
And the betrayal
And the misery
And all the ripples you create
Even now
When you're so far away from me

I'm listening to the song
I played for your girl
In that short period of time
That she wasn't your girl
When I talked about how I felt about you

And I'm too worn and too tired
To be poetic tonight
Or even strong
And all I want to do is write you a letter
But I won't

Cuz I can't make you love me
If you don't
I can't make your heart feel
Something it won't

 And its fine
Because I keep insisting you don't owe me anything
But you do
You owe me an explanation
Of your sociopathic behaviour
So quick to diagnose me
You ought to be able to take me saying that of you

And, what?  You're angry?
So what else is new?
Nothing- not that I can't sleep
Or stand any of this
You knew that
The night you plunged the proverbial knife in my gut
Then followed up by plunging it into my heart

For, like the Romans
You had to make sure the radical
The rebel
The kindest heart
Was truly dead

And, my dear, I wish I was
But this heart is still as big as it ever was
Only now
It aches from your blows
It never justly incurred

I did so many things
I could never justify to myself
Felt such new things
That baffled me
Because they twisted my heart so bad

Two things I don't understand:
The first is how you could
And why you did
What you did to me
Which, I suppose
Is what happens when you receive
A kiss on the cheek in the garden
And are subsequently sentenced to death
The second is why
Now I hope wholeheartedly
Thoughts of me keep you up at night
And have you choking on the shame

And why not?  I have choked
And still choke
Every day
Since May  7th
3 pm
Of last year

Tho