Circa Sept 11 2005

Its hard to feel comfortable anywhere, she thought to herself.  She reflected on her whereabouts; sitting in a dank dark room where the best thing to do is to huddle up and be quiet.  If you’re hidden, they can’t find you, they can’t torment you.  Its not her fault that she feels like she wears this secret like a T-shirt portraying an explicit message…             And home?  What is home?  To her, it was a place where you were always on guard.  He might come in at any second.  And when his breath has that pungent smell of alcohol, and his words all slurred together, there is but one thing that satisfies him.             Come on, Doll… With your hair like that, plastered to your face from the rain, you look even prettier than your mother did.  Shh… I’m Daddy, I changed your diapers, there is nothing to hide.  Come on… Lets see how beautiful you truly are, inside and out…             And so she did.  In her mind, the only thing to do was to shut him up.  And they both knew there was only one way to do that.  While she was doing that, she would detach… How many calories today?  Must remember to eat less tomorrow… Got an 86 on this test… 90 on the next one… Thinner, happier, more productive…             Oh yes, productive.  That she was.  And they both felt better when the moment was over.  He would slink away to pass out, face first on whatever surface he would make it to, and, in inebriated bliss, replay those happy moments of release.             And she… well she would go, shower and try to scrub it off of her.  See, she always felt like the secret was a tangible, visible thing… And God only knows what they would do to her if they found out…